Everyone has secrets. Some people are open about them, while others keep them hidden. But one thing is certain: secrets subtly affect human relationships whether we acknowledge them or not.
Secrets often linger in the background. They can cloud our minds, making us cautious about what we say, or they can subtly affect our relationships unexpectedly. To explore these dynamics, the researchers decided to use the Ecological Momentary Assessment (EMA) to study the impact of secrets on everyday relationships.
The study's guiding question was: “How does keeping secrets affect our well-being, and how does it impact our relationships?” This served as the foundation for exploring the intricacies of this human behavior.
To delve deeper into the mysteries behind secrecy, this article will highlight the study process and reveal unique findings about secrets, exclusively shared by Alisa Bedrov, our featured researcher.
Alisa Bedrov's study focuses on how secrets affect everyday interactions with our inner circles, such as family, romantic partners, friends, co-workers, and classmates.
She shared, "My motivation with this study was to see whether our everyday interactions are actually worse on average with people we keep more secrets from, even if we aren't constantly dwelling on those secrets (because, let's face it, we probably have many run-of-the-mill social interactions like grabbing coffee, going on a walk together, etc. in which thoughts of the secret might never come up, and yet we still may feel worse in those relationships overall due to keeping more secrets)."
To gain deeper insights, the study utilized EMA as a research approach to investigate secrets through real-time data collection, ensuring more accurate results. However, directly asking participants about their secrets presents limitations that may impact the study.
So, let's explore how Bedrov and her colleagues formed a unique method of studying secrecy with EMA.
According to Bedrov, while many studies explore secrets and their internal conflicts, only a few have examined how secrets affect personal relationships.
She added, “Most studies on secrets ask participants to first think of a secret that they are currently keeping, answer some questions about it, and then proceed to answer questions about how keeping that secret is affecting their well-being and close relationships. However, with that study design, it is unclear whether simply having a secret is associated with worse relational outcomes, or if the process of being asked to reflect on one's secret(s) is what drives some of those negative effects.”
The researchers developed a unique method of studying secrecy with EMA. They used EMA, a method in which participants reported on daily social interactions in real-time without knowing the study was about secrets. This allowed researchers to see the effects of secrets in a natural and unprompted way.
Bedrov also explained, “Although this wasn't a perfect solution (someone could feel stressed about an upcoming exam rather than their secrecy), it was the best we could do within the scope of our research design.It was really important that we asked participants about their secrets in great detail at the very end of the study, including which secrets were being kept secret during the 10 days of EMA, how important those secrets were, and the overall secrecy burden with respect to each interaction partner.”
To give you a summary, here’s their study design:
Through this unique method, the researchers linked the extent of secrecy to recorded interactions. EMA ensured that participants filled out surveys regularly, which helped them avoid problems with recall accuracy.
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The researchers used a unique method to explore secrecy in everyday life and its effects on personal relationships. Here's a summary of their key findings:
These findings hint that, although hiding secrets can lead to worse outcomes for our close relationships and daily interactions, feeling guilty about that secrecy might actually be a reflection of how healthy that relationship is.
Bedrov added, "One finding that surprised us was that people who experienced greater secrecy burden from perceived pressure to reveal the secret (i.e., they felt more guilty about keeping their secrets from a particular person and perceived a greater obligation to share that information with them) - these people actually had more positive daily interactions with that person when they felt more of that external pressure."
Secrets can be a testament to how healthy a relationship is, but we must remember that secrets may be inevitable. As humans, we hold personal secrets, and it's our responsibility to remain accountable for our actions despite them.
She elaborated, "Initially, we expected the opposite: that being more burdened or concerned by one's secrets would make interactions worse. While we did see that with other aspects of secrecy burden (e.g., when participants felt more burden from the secrets negatively affecting their relationship), this unexpected association could suggest that sometimes secrecy burden might reflect positive aspects of one's relationships."
The researchers added, "That is, perhaps having consistently more positive daily interactions is precisely what leads to feeling more guilty about the secrets because, for the most part, the relationship is quite enjoyable, to the extent that it becomes harder to justify secret-keeping. It will be interesting to expand more on this idea in future research."
Understanding the complexity of human relationships is indeed challenging. However, EMA offers a valuable method for better understanding human behavior and relationships. Using EMA, researchers can collect accurate, real-time data about how we act, behave, and interact with others.
Bedrov also believes that "Relationships aren't perfect - there may be times when you are frustrated with your friends, partners, or family members, and it's easy to get caught up in the moment and make sweeping generalizations about your feelings in that relationship. I think EMA allows us to better differentiate those momentary dips and highs from the average state of a relationship and thereby gives us a more informed perspective on what we can improve."
Moreover, EMA can capture within-person fluctuations in a relationship. This insight will help us better understand how to interact positively with those close to us, leading to more compassionate and understanding relationships.
EMA is not only a tool for collecting accurate study data—it can also foster compassion and understanding. Researchers like Alisa Bedrov are trailblazers using EMA to explore human interactions and relationships.
She highlighted, "From a researcher's perspective, we can leverage EMA to understand better the types of situations that evoke empathic responses and better track the affective consequences of showing compassion vs. indifference toward others."
A key to a more empathetic society is cultivating self-awareness and recognizing the impact of our actions. Aligned with this idea, Bedrov noted that EMA creates opportunities for heightened self-awareness in everyday life.
She added, "To be empathetic and compassionate, you probably need to be aware of how others are feeling, and sometimes we need external prompts to take us outside of our own heads and start paying attention to how other people are feeling or how others might want us to respond in a particular situation."
Bedrov is also hopeful that EMA can help individuals better understand their behavior and, in tandem with that, allow researchers to have a generalized understanding of human interactions. This understanding can be applied in actionable ways to increase empathy and compassion within society.
The ExpiWell team is proud to have supported Alisa Bedrov and her team's research. We remain dedicated to advancing the understanding of human behavior and relationships.
Bedrov is inspired to continue her work toward understanding the intricacies of secrets. She shared," EMA is valuable in that it allows you to capture more diverse social situations and interactions - if you are prompted about your interactions multiple times a day, you can report on different types of relationships and interactions more efficiently rather than trying to aggregate and remember across days."
As a leading tool for EMA, ExpiWell is committed to aiding researchers in fostering deeper insights into human interactions. We look forward to supporting Alisa Bedrov in her future endeavors to study secrets.
